What? What is this? I'M NOT DEAD??

Nope, I'm not. I just kinda got sidetracked by... well, everything else on the internet.
-insert self promotion-
Twitter -I finally got sucked into it.
Tumblr -I'm basically always on there.
And, you know, if you like Fanfiction...
ANYWAYS.
So, its been just under a year since I've posted here... What's happened?
Well... Oh, my surgeon fired me. Good ridence. I went to Mexico. I climbed a mountain in Mexico with a broken foot, which I wasn't aware was broken.
I'm in more pain then ever before. My surgery scars have mostly faded away, although there are dents in my foot bones now, so they're all lumpy and shit.


(This was one and a half years after my surgery, exactly)

Taken right after I got my casts off for the final time, well I was waiting for the xray so they could check that everything was, in fact, no longer broken.

The casts had to stay on longer then normal because a cut got infected, my surgeon didn't notice it the first time he examined my feet after the surgery, and it festered for another week. The cut on my heel is the one. You can't really see, but the infection actually started eating away at my flesh. I had a big hole which was oozzing. Luckly, with everything else going on, I couldn't feel it.

To give you an idea of how bad the infected one was, this was not infected.

I was the nurses favorite patient.
I mean, the only other people I saw being treated there were screaming babies and th occasional teenager complaining REALLY loudly whenever the nurses tried to clean their wounds, and I sat there making conversation and taking pictures, admiring the grossness.
After a month, though, I really wanted to shave my legs.

Okay, enough pictures.

(Tumblr taught me how to insert them into a text post. I didn't know how before)

What else has happened? Hmm. Well, I fell in love, the type of love that makes every moment both so incredibly fantastic as well as makes it feel like something is living inside you, clawing out your stomache and chewing on your heart.

I fell out of love.

I had a girlfriend for all of a week before we decided we were way better off as friends, but we aren't nearly as close as we were before we went out.

I went to Chicago to visit my family down there. I was there for a week, and we only went shopping and went to Six Flags. I would have rather gone to a muesuem. But I did win a giant green stuffed squid at Skee-Ball.

I'm very good at Skee-Ball.

Uhm... hmmm. Other stuff happened. Its been a year, after all.

I'm going to try and post more frequently this year, because this has been pretty pathetic.

So... I'm going to sleep, now. Laila Tov, my loves.

Proof that even if I can't walk everyday, I know enough crazy people that I'll never be able to be bored for long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPYw86meVaU&feature=BF&list=ULiYXYAazs8OI&index=10
Thats the link to a Ninja movie which I am the camerawoman/director/coustume designer of. This movie is proof that even though my brain is too messed up to deal with leaving my house for anything other than doctor's appointments, my legs and feet are too messed up to walk more than a block, and I really don't have a life, as long as you have insane people wandering through your house, you will never get bored.

This is actually on my friend's blog, but it was shot in my basement, with help from random people we found wandering around my house.
No, not seriously. Although, most of the time, there are random people in my basement. That's why I never go down there.
Well, the random people and the troll.

Back to the video. Watch it! Go, go! Watch, laugh, like, add, reveiw... Please.

Pain Clinic- you think they might help the pain?

You would think that a pain clinic is there to help with pain. And, actually, I had the best- *coughcough* only *cough*- conversation about pain management with a doctor I've ever had.
Now, he's going to 'consult with his colleges about what would work best, then they will send their findings onto your main doctor, who will write out the pharscrpitions, then after a month I should come back to the pain clinic.'
Does anyone else think that it would just be simpler for them to just give me the damn physcriptions then?
Yeah, yeah. I'm underage. My city is going through a war against pill poppers. They're the highest growing group of addict here in the lovely Winnipeg.
But here's the thing; I am not a drug dealer. I won't sell the pain pills you give me.
I am not a pill addict. I will not take them to intentionally alter- blah, blah, blah.
The only relevant fact, as far as I'm concerned, is that I am in a really large amount of fnicking pain.
I walk a block, both my ankle's are twisted and my legs are cramping up. It's not pleasant.
Even if I don't exert myself, I'm still in pain.
Garg. That's pretty much all I saw these days. I make random noises of frustration.

It is funny, actually, how my last post on here was to let you know I wasn't dead and I'd be posting again soon- then my Internet goes down. And, since I live in a house where the parents both put things off as long as possible, I just got it fixed today. Thank goddess for my father. Him coming over after work to fix my Internet was a wonderful thing.
What can I say? That's how he shows his love for me, his only daughter (Unless it comes in that along with the secret son he has, he has a secret daughter). He gives me stuff. I show my love by... er, letting him hug me. Thanking him for the stuff he gives me.
I mean...we both say to each other, love you, stuff like that, but really, its just something you say, like bye.
Yeah, yeah. My relationship with my dad is messed. Whatever.

Speaking of messed up parents; I have a question for anyone out there who may or may not be reading this. If a woman shaves her head in support of her uncle, who is dying of cancer, and then is fired from her job as a waitress because she shaved her head, not any other reason, is that right? Should a private business be able to fire her because of this? Does this woman then have the right to seek what she is entitled to, under the law of the country she lives in?
Me and my mother are at odds about this, so I'm not really speaking to her. Not in a, 'I'll pretend you aren't there' kind of way, more, 'I'll nod when she speak to me, but I won't actually look at you or engage you in conversation.
So this should be fun.

Not dead

Although some might guess that I've died from the lack of updates on here, but I'm not. Obviously, since I'm updating right now.
Things have been... interesting. My stepdad has a job, so he actually leaves the house, and my moms been picking up a bunch of shifts, and winter break is over, so my sister's are back at school, which leaves me with an empty house for several hours everyday, pretty much.
Which is nice, but not as nice when you realize I can barely walk most of the time and I actually have to do things for myself.
Gosh, that sounds really spoiled-bratish, doesn't it? But, I mean; I walk five feet and my legs are shaking so bad and my feet feel like they're rebreaking themselves. So, yeah, I enjoy people getting me things so I don't have to stand up.
On that note, my mom actually pulled something in her leg a few weeks back, and she couldn't walk for nearly a week. So about half way through this, she looks up at me, and says 'I know I can be hard on you about you never doing anything, and I really apoligize for that. Because now I understand what its like to be in pain just walking, and I really don't want to do anything.'
Which is funny, because my mom has been really suportive of me even before we had a diagnosis. But she had been getting fed up with me latly, since I started walking again after the surgery. I think she just really expected the surgery to basically cure most of my problems, and... yeah, no, it didn't. Actually, I'm worse off now than before.
Can I ask a question? Who steals a wheelchair? Because someone stole my spare wheelchair. WTF?
Hmmm... what else... Oh, I had an EEG because ever since Halloween I've been twitching uncontrolably unless I take lorazapam twice a day. Apparently, this isn't supposed to happen.
Everyone who is reading this must go and look up Regina Spektor. She is a singer, she is awesome.
Also, Rebecca Drysdale has put in her part to the 'It Gets Better' campaighn. You know, the one thats trying to get gay teens to stop killing themselves? Yeah. She made a rap and a music video for it, and its brilliant. Look it up on youtube. It Gets Better - Rebecca Drysdale. Unless your homophobic, in which case, could you please kindly stop reading my blog? Because I'm homophobicphobic.
Anyways. I'm off.
Oh! Wait. Everyone must check out the TV show Chuck. Brilliant.
Okay, now I'm off.

Attack of the midgets!!

My little sisters birthday party is today. In the past, her party's have caused me to hide in closets, have to run around my neighbourhood chasing after kids wearing princess dresses, and generally, be terrified for my life.
Hey, YOU try jamming roughly 13 little kids in a smallish house and feeding them large amounts of sugar. You'd be terrified for your life too.
This year, we're going bowling.
Who thought that would be a good idea???? These kids with bowling balls?!?!?!
I'm dead.
This may be my last post ever.
Goodbye.

Random Pain

Hello, random people who may or may not exist who read my blog-type-thing!
My foot hurts like someone took a hammer to it!
No, seriously. I can't walk on it, I can't move my toes, or my ankle, or touch it in anyway or it feels almost as bad as it did waking up from surgery, except instead of my entire foot (and the other one too), its like this line of incredible pain. Freaking fricking fnicking hell.
Oh, also, I recently made a round trip visiting all my doctors trying to get them to prescribe my pain killers, as I am in PAIN. This is basically how it went;
Me: Hey, Dr. Kahavavitch, I'm dying of pain. Can you prescribe me something that would help.
Dr. K: Uhhh, take a advil.
-Go to next doctor-
Me: Hey, Dr. Jellicoe, you messed up my feet and now I'm in MORE PAIN THAN BEFORE!! Want to give me something for that?
Dr (actually, I doubt that he's an actual doctor). J: Well, in 10% of patient that have this surgery, we see recurring, intense pain after they are all healed. We don't know why. I recommend you take advil.
-Storms off to next doctor, after hitting Jellicoe over the head with a tuna fish-
Me: Hey, Dr. Skulsky, you're a really nice doctor who is young and oddly attractive, I'm in pain. Pain killers?
Dr. S: Advil should fix that.
-hits myself with tuna fish, go's to my next doctor-
Me: Dr. McPherson, you're very old and I think you have Alzheimer's. Can you prescribe me pain killers?
Dr. McP: Uhhhh... who are you?
Me: I'm the person in pain.
Dr. McP: Oh! Advils good for that.
-facepalms, goes to the next doctor-
Me: Hi, Dr. Lindsay. Haven't seen you in a while.
Dr. Lindsay: Thats because I refereed you off to a bunch of specialty doctors.
Me: Who happen to me idiots. I'm in freaking pain! And they want me to take ADVIL!!!
Dr. Lindsay: Oh, dear. Well, I'll prescribe you some T3's.
Me: You are officially the only sane doctor in Winnipeg.

That may not be the actual script, but you get the gist of it is.
Anyways, so I got pain killers. Which are doing nothing for my dying foot, but for my other pain it really helps. Oh, and she refereed me to the pain clinic! I knew I liked that woman.

Holy F***

My sister is hysterical. She was attacked with a machette, she was hit over the head. The police came to my house because they were in the area and when her and her friends saw her, they started running. The police almost arrested them, then realized they had been attacked. There were eight police officers in my house. I just sat beside my thirteen year old sister as she gave a statment to the police.
Holy effing hell. I'm shaking so much. Its three am so none of my well behaved friends are awake. So I'm posting this here. I think my sister is in shock.

Broken laptops and Halloween

So, my laptop broke. That's why I haven't been on here forever.
I'm a writer (in the way that I write... I'm not published or anything), and not being able to have a way to write... I lost my mind. Seriously, I did. If my laptop had been at the fixing place one more day I would of ended up in the In Patient wing of the Phych Health wing instead of the Out Patient wing.
Oh yeah, my phychiatrist went on maternity leave, and for some reason she advised that I be given... two phych people in her absence.
I know. Who the hell has TWO separate phych people?
Uh... no offence if you do. I do too, after all.
ANYway.

Halloween is coming! Its truly my favorite holiday. What other day do you get to dress up like anything or anyone you want and go around demanding candy from your neighbours?
Over the past week, I've had a stomach flu so I was put in charge of all the Halloween stuff, eg. Costumes, cookies, decorating, and organizing a trick or treating group.
Yes, I'm a little old to be trick or treating, and I actually haven't gone for the past two years, but I was talking with an old friend who's nineteen, and she talked me into it.
So, Halloween night, me, my friends Sarah, Paige, and Gen, Gen's friend Alex, my little sister, and my little sisters friend Sidney (who is the coolest kid ever, honestly) will be running around dressed as assorted things (I'm the Mad Hatter, my sister is this goth ragdoll thing, and Gen's... a Superman pirate with ninja skills who glows in the dark. Yeah. The others wont tell me what they're being)
So, it should be fun. I wont be able to walk for days after, and I'm kinda relying on a mix of a sugar high and pain killers to get me through the night, but... still. It'll be fun.

I'm not even sixteen yet.
I can't walk properly.
I can't stand without shifting my weight back and forth because my ankles are too weak.
I spend every second of my life in pain.
I have more doctors than friends.
I've been high; but not off any drugs that most people my age are using. No. I've been high off pain medication that I take because I'm in pain.
I'm afraid to even consider starting driving because my legs twitch violently, which could be a problem what with the using your feet for brakes and speed.
I can' wear skinny jean because they don't fit over my leg braces.
I'm too tired most days to do anything, so I never leave my house except for school, doctors, and grocerys.
The constant pain doesn't make me very nice. So kids at school don't exactly go out of their way to speak to me.
Besides, I don't even know how to talk to people.
I'm a teenager. But I'm not. My insides arre old. My skin is young.
And I need to get new shower curtains.

So....

So... What to say? I sounded a bit crazy in that last post. Sorry. Nothing bad happened that directly effected me. I'm sure something bad happened somewhere.
I've been back at school for a week now, and can I say OW. So many stairs, so little time to climb them. I only have classes on the top floor and in the basement. And I can't walk down stairs properly because my ankles don't bend forward since the surgery.
But besides the stairs thing, and the pain thing, its been good. My sewing teacher is cool, and my English teacher actually spent an entire class having us see who could fold and throw a paper airplane the farthest. I got third place, best out of all the girls. Yes, I know. Pointless skill.
Oh, and I got a new therapist person. Actually, my old phychiatrist had a baby and went on mat. leave, and now I have a therapist and a phychiatrist. As far as I can tell, the therapist just calls in the other guy to write pharscriptions.
He's nice, the therapist. His name is Peter Mary. I meant to ask him if his middle name is Paul. I told my friend that and she didn't get it. Before her time, I guess. Before my time too, really, but I know a lot of stuff from before my time.
Anyways, we talked about elephants. And my religion, because he didn't know a lot about it and he wanted to understand. He also apologized in advance if he says something offending because he doesn't know or understand something about it. I told him I don't get bothered by people offending me, only when they offend people I care about. Then I threaten them or yell or actually hurt them.
I have anger issues.
I think its cause I was always so shy as a kid, and I just kinda stuffed everything down deeper and deeper and then in grade six I made friends with this girl and she just somehow made me stop stuffing and actually act on my anger, but I never learned how to properly express my anger so it comes out about the oddest things and in violent ways.
Like last week, I wouldn't make my sister pasta so she called me a b****. I started grabbing things and throwing them at her as hard as I could. ie a magnetic paper holder on the fridge, a binder, a cutting board, a butter knife, a shirt, a toothbrush...
I don't even know why. I don't even remember much. But I know I ended up in my room, a cut on my face and I had been writ ting on my bedroom wall, which isn't that weird because its kinda what I do, graffiti my wall. My mom says its okay because you can actually see the stud things through the wall it needs new paint s bad and I'm a good artist so it makes it look better. She said that not me. I'm not actually that good.
On my walls I have;
West wall- Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs. Every rose has thorns. To put it nicely, I hope you choke. My dads phone number from when he was in Texas. A list of my favorite books. When I got really mad at my step dad Iwrote on my wall in runes about why I was mad. a drawing of a rose. We're all ad here. The lyrics to Thinking of You by Katy Perry. A bunch of old stickers. A ceramic fairy I named Fred. A origami valentine the exchange student gave me for Valentines day after I have her a valentine written in Japanese.
South Wall- under my window: Do not close window if open. You cannot soar like an eagle on the wings of a wren. You are a china shop I am a bull, you are a good mean, I am full.
East wall- a giant angel... well, less of an angel, more of a girl with wings. Too much writing to put down.
North wall- that's my closet. I have some Latin on my doors, and the entire "Anyone lived ina pretty how town" by ee commings.
Okay. Oh, and a twilight poster with 3D glasses taped to Bella's face.
Okay, so, I'm going to sleep now. Night!

Bad Feeling

I have a really bad feeling. A really really bad feeling.
It could be because I'm going back to school this week or the next for the first time since my surgery.
It could be because well everyone else is trying to put my life back together, I feel like all they're doing to taping a broken skylight back together. Soon enough, its gonna rain and its going to break again, falling all over you.
It could be because my best friend's symptoms seem to be getting worse and worse every day, and all she can think about is that she needs to cancel her MRI because she's going to have to miss one Pre-Cal class for it.
It could be because my mom seems to be heading towards the nervous breakdown she nearly had last year.
It could be because I woke up this morning to my stepdad telling my sister, "How dare you threaten me with a knife!" I go to the kitchen to see my sister holding a butter knife with jam on it because she was making herself toast with jam when he came in to talk to her.
It could be because I'm in so much pain I can barely walk.

It could be any one of these reasons, but I still feel like something is going to happen. Its felt like the world has been holding its breath just waiting.
God, I sound insane I bet. But I swear, something is wrong.

Playing Suicide Hotline

Why do I spend my nights this way?
I just phoned a girl I've never met, never spoken to in my life, to convince her not to kill herself.
You're probably confused. Let me explain.
Okay. So, I'm more or less a shut in. I don't leave my house. Thinking right now, I haven't been outside in over a week. So I don't have many friends, but the few friends I have I don't know their friends.
My best friend I've ever had has a friend going through depression issues. Tonight, she was talking to her and she started telling my friend that she didn't see the point of life anymore.
Then she went offline and wouldn't answer texts.
My friend has medical issues triggered by stress. When she gets stressed, she can get pretty sick. So I offered to phone her friend.
My friend didn't have her number. So I went into my phone book and tracked it down using only her last name and street.
And then I called her, and stopped her from killing herself.
It was really weird. I was looking on all these suicide websites listing all the reasons they said on why you shouldn't kill yourself, then I'm like, eff this. So I just started talking to her.
And, not to sound too egotistical, I SAVED HER LIFE.
And then we hung up after I gave her my number and told her to call or text or message or add me anytime she wanted.
And then I went to my kitchen and made pizza in the middle of the night.
Then I came on here.
Also, is anyone still reading this? Because I don't think you are.
So I'm bragging about saving someones life to no one. Oh well.

Also, I'm aware that I could have simply delayed her suicide a day. But she refuses to go back to therapy, and its weird for her to talk to people when she has to see them later, so I'm hoping she'll actually use me as her suicide hotline.
Oh, she just added me on Facebook. That's good.

Ouch.

Well... I'm back. And I can't walk.
See, I was right about the lots of standing thing at the wedding and reception and my shoes were terrible. Like my clothing that I wore all week, they looked nice, actually really nice, but were horrible to wear. But I wanted to look nice for my dads family.
See, my closet is full of graphic tee's, ripped jeans covered in pen, and I wear crocs most days. But my dad wanted me to look nice, so I went to Value Village with my friends and they picked out nice clothing for me. (I didn't want to spend a fortune getting new clothing that I'll only wear once).
Yeah. And then after I left Medicine Hat, me and my dad went to go stay with my Amma (grandmother) and mom and little sister, who were there visiting.
This was great fun for my dad, who is divorced from my mom, so he spend two days living with his ex-wife, and ex-mother-in-law.
We went to the Calgary Zoo one day, and the Tyrelle Museum the next.
OW.
So now I'm going to go find a heating pad to wrap around my legs, take a sleeping pill, and sleep.
ps. Me and my mom have been talking, and we think its best if I start taking actual pain medication. To anyone with CMT, is there anything that you would recommend? My mom thinks Tylenol 3's are our best bet, but when I had surgery I had to take three before anything happened. My doctor would give me morphine if I asked for it, literally, so don't worry if what you would suggest is a bit powerful. It did take them twice the amount of knock out gas to make me sleep in surgery.

Medicine Hat

So, I'm going to Medicine Hat. My cousin is getting married. I have to wear really painful shoes and I'm guessing I'll be standing up a lot, so I can't imagine I'll have much fun.

Meh. I just had to go chase away stoned and/or drunk teenagers from my front yard where they were screaming my sisters name at the top of their lungs. Did I mention its like 3am? Ya. I opened my front door and yelled that my sister wasn't home and to go the f*** away. I never swear except to my sisters friends, because otherwise they don't take me seriously.

Anyways. I'm going to Medicine Hat. It's going to suck, as far as I can tell. My dad has been telling stories about how sick I was and how much pain I was in and whatever, so everyone will be asking me how I am and stuff.
The thing is, I like telling people about when I was in the hospital. Its a good story.

I got to the hospital, and they took me to the OR, and they tried to put me to sleep. The doctors and nurses were trying to make me feel safe or whatever, and they were talking about how the gas mask smells like Canadian Tire, so I decided to tell them I got mt favorite pair of shoes there.
That made them think the drugs were working, I guess.
After a while, I was still awake. It took them forever to make me go under.
When I woke up, they hadn't given me any pain meds yet.
I woke up with three breaks in each foot. My tendons had been cut and moved.
It was unimaginable pain.
The nurse gave me eight shots of morphine before she finally called the doctor to ask him to give me a shot of ketemine.
That made me pass out.
I woke up not long after, and I was finally hooked up to an IV, and was getting Morphine and Ketemine and I was still in pain but it wasn't unbearable.
The ketemine made me hallucinate. For some reason I started seeing characters from the tv show Heroes in my hospital room.
I kept talking to them, with confused the actual people in the room.
And I kept lifting up my right arm and holding it in front of me.
I was like that for three days. I didn't eat or drink or move.
I finally woke up, and I realized I must have gone through withdrawal from caffeine, which I was happy about.
Then my mom passed me a coke, because she wanted me to drink something.
And she brought me pizza, and Asian food, and like a whole bunch of awesome takeout food that we never get.
And she choose then to get it, when I couldn't eat.
Sigh.

See? I enjoy telling that story. I like that story. Answering 'How are you? Are you feeling okay?'
Not so much.

Worse?

So, CMT is a genetic thing. You probably already know that. I got my CMT from my dad.
My dad has really bad CMT, like, he can't move his toes, his feet dont look like feet anymore, the only thing left on the bottom of his legs is skin and bone. The muscle is long gone. He cut off his thumb last summer and he hardly felt it because the nerve endings are dead.
He went to see my nerologist last week.
My nerologist says I have worse CMT than he does.
I was freaking out when my dad told my he said that, until I though, 'Oh, I'm 15, my dads 55, he must meen compared to age.' So I asked my dad if thats what he ment, and my dad said no.
I'm worse off than my dad.
I told my mom Dr. Skulsky (my nerologist) said that, and she just nodded and said she already knew that.
I seriously didn't know I was this bad.
I mean, I knew I was bad. I can barly walk like 50% of the time. I twist my ankles every day, sprain them twice a month. My hand tremors are like earthquakes. Somedays I'm in so much pain I just take sleeping pills and sleep through it.
But I thought, 'Look at my dad. I'm not as bad off as he is. So don't complain.'
But I am as bad off as he is.
This cant be good.

One Moment

If you could, is there a moment you would go back in your life and change? There probably is. Everyone has a moment when they wish they had done something different, said something different.
I know the exact moment I would go back to.
I would go and back and study my grade nine math test.
Yeah, I know. A math test in grade nine? Really? Not even an exam?
But you know what would have happened if I studied?
I would have been ready for my math test. So I wouldn't have been so distraced that morning that I didn't notice my cat. So I wouuldn't have tripped over him. So I wouldn't have sprained my ankle. So I wouldn't have missed school that day.
And then the next.
And then the next.
And the next.
And on and on it went, until one day I found myself unable to leave my basement, nevermind my house, hadn't seen anyone but my parents, sisters, and two of my friends in months.
Sudenly, it was June, and I hadn't been to school since that day I hurt my ankle in Febuary.
My life has been like that since then. A year and a half later.
A lot of the time I'm unable to leave my home because of my physical pain.
When the physical pain isn't too bad, my phycalogical pain stops me. Anxiety attacks and OCD and paranoia.
Last week I spent 27 hours awake without leaving my room and taped newpaper over my windows to block out the light and baracaded my door. I didn't come out until my mom called a friend of mine and she came over and stood under my window and talked me into coming out.
I'm worried. I don't know what my life is turning into. The group of people I went to school with for ten years are going into grade eleven, and I'm not done grade nine. And how am I supposed to go to school to finish it when I can't leave my house?

Bah. Whatever.

Walking... And I just noticed how many of my post titles start with 'walking'

Hey! Guess what?
I'm walking!
Yes, thats right. Walking. Without crutches, canes, or walkers. Today two of my friends came over and I walked my dog to the park with them. Its actually the feild and playground behind my elementary school, and its only a block away from my house, but still.
We sat on a bench and watched children play, and we remembered times from when we went there. A group of guys I went to school with were sitting behind the generator and when they saw us they came over and were amazed about my hair (it was to my hips for years, and for my surgery I cut it about an inch from my scalp), and wanted to know about my surgery. Which was weird, since I never really spoke to them all that much, but not weird since we were a really small school and we were all together for ten years, and I was always the quiet small girl that was constantly hurting myself and never had real good health, so for some reason everyone would freak out and protect me.
We were a weird group of kids.
I miss it.
Anyways, I'm walking again. Everyone is happy. Things are good. Well, better.
I shall leave it at that, because I had a good day and I'm not going to ruin it by thinking of bad things.
So.

Walking and Pools... and Brothers

So, I'm walking! With crutches, and every night my ankles are twice their normal size, but I'm still walking!
Its really weird. I feel really tall, because I haven't been above three feet for the past three months, and now I'm walking around at over five feet. Only three inches above five feet, but still.
My surgeon said water would help, so now I have a pool in my back yard. Above ground, and awesome. I am in love with it. I just hold on to one of those floating blue boards that you can glide on and walk around. The water goes to about half way up my stomach, so it holds me up enough that I can walk with just that.

So life is really good. Its summer, so my friend (really the only one I have left) isn't busy with school or anything, so I've seen her everyday for the past week. I'm walking again. My grandmother is in town. My annoying sister is in BC for a whole month, so none of her incredibly rude friends are hanging around my house eating our food and drinking my Coke. My littlest sister is being really happy and nice again, and her allergies are under control. My cat is back to normal.
And my long-lost brother has resurfaced.
Yes. My dad had a son when he was 18. He was put up for adoption. He just found my dad. So, you know, yay, I guess.
I hope.

Physiotherapy and Teenage parenthood

So, when my surgeon took off my casts for good, he told me that I wouldn't need physiotherapy, which struck me as sort of odd since I had forgotten how to walk and all.
My dad was also confused by this, so he went by the hospital and booked an appointment with the physiotherapists without asking me or my mom (my parents have been divorced since I was a baby. They are actually still really good friends, like they still talk and get along).
So now I have to go to physio.
I don't really want to. But whatever. I'll go.

In other news, a friend of mine's child was born one month ago today. Its pretty weird to think about that, since a year ago she was sitting behind me in grade nine art class.
Yes. She is 16. And has a child.
I don't know what I think about that. She's raising it alone, living with her dad.

It makes me feel less sorry for myself. I mean, a baby is more work than having CMT. Both are pretty perminate, though.

Duct Tape Solves Everything

Ever heard the saying 'If duct tape can't fix it, your'e scwreded?'. I think I agree. Because my laptop broke, and I fixed it with duct tape. I mean, I now have duct tape wrapped around my laptop, but it works. So duct tape does fix everything.
Except the things that I really need fixed.
Like my feet, which can barely hold my weight, even though I only weigh like 95 pounds.
Like my balance, which currently doesn't exsist.
Like my sister, who is in serious shit.
Like my mom, who has two different types of arthritis.
Like my stepdad, who is in chronic pain and also on the waiting list for pharscription pain medication addiction treatment.
Like my dad, who more or less just quit the job he's had for over 10 years, and is pretty screwed since his truck is broken down in a different city and he's losing hundreds, thousands of dollars on it.
Like my cat, for god's sake, who disapeared for 24 hours and came back terrified and covered in brusies.
Like the fact that no one in my imediate family has a job, and my mom just ran out of unemployment insurance, and my stepdad just got kicked off Workers Comp (I seriously am not surprised people keep shooting them and blowing them up).

Add that all together, and I guess its not so shocking that I woke up today and didn't move for the entire day. I just lay there and considered going back to sleep, but never did.

And now I'm conserned about my freaking mental health.

Oh yeah, and my best friend has voices in her head telling her to do things.

Maybe I ought to buy some more duct tape?