Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Worse?

So, CMT is a genetic thing. You probably already know that. I got my CMT from my dad.
My dad has really bad CMT, like, he can't move his toes, his feet dont look like feet anymore, the only thing left on the bottom of his legs is skin and bone. The muscle is long gone. He cut off his thumb last summer and he hardly felt it because the nerve endings are dead.
He went to see my nerologist last week.
My nerologist says I have worse CMT than he does.
I was freaking out when my dad told my he said that, until I though, 'Oh, I'm 15, my dads 55, he must meen compared to age.' So I asked my dad if thats what he ment, and my dad said no.
I'm worse off than my dad.
I told my mom Dr. Skulsky (my nerologist) said that, and she just nodded and said she already knew that.
I seriously didn't know I was this bad.
I mean, I knew I was bad. I can barly walk like 50% of the time. I twist my ankles every day, sprain them twice a month. My hand tremors are like earthquakes. Somedays I'm in so much pain I just take sleeping pills and sleep through it.
But I thought, 'Look at my dad. I'm not as bad off as he is. So don't complain.'
But I am as bad off as he is.
This cant be good.

2 comments:

  1. Serpa--I am so sorry to hear this tragic news. I have absolutely no words that can relieve your hurt and pain, but the one thing I can tell you is that I do have an understanding of what you're feeling and experiencing. I sincerely hope that you can find your own peace. But, if you need someone to listen in the meantime, you know where to find me.

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