Random Pain

Hello, random people who may or may not exist who read my blog-type-thing!
My foot hurts like someone took a hammer to it!
No, seriously. I can't walk on it, I can't move my toes, or my ankle, or touch it in anyway or it feels almost as bad as it did waking up from surgery, except instead of my entire foot (and the other one too), its like this line of incredible pain. Freaking fricking fnicking hell.
Oh, also, I recently made a round trip visiting all my doctors trying to get them to prescribe my pain killers, as I am in PAIN. This is basically how it went;
Me: Hey, Dr. Kahavavitch, I'm dying of pain. Can you prescribe me something that would help.
Dr. K: Uhhh, take a advil.
-Go to next doctor-
Me: Hey, Dr. Jellicoe, you messed up my feet and now I'm in MORE PAIN THAN BEFORE!! Want to give me something for that?
Dr (actually, I doubt that he's an actual doctor). J: Well, in 10% of patient that have this surgery, we see recurring, intense pain after they are all healed. We don't know why. I recommend you take advil.
-Storms off to next doctor, after hitting Jellicoe over the head with a tuna fish-
Me: Hey, Dr. Skulsky, you're a really nice doctor who is young and oddly attractive, I'm in pain. Pain killers?
Dr. S: Advil should fix that.
-hits myself with tuna fish, go's to my next doctor-
Me: Dr. McPherson, you're very old and I think you have Alzheimer's. Can you prescribe me pain killers?
Dr. McP: Uhhhh... who are you?
Me: I'm the person in pain.
Dr. McP: Oh! Advils good for that.
-facepalms, goes to the next doctor-
Me: Hi, Dr. Lindsay. Haven't seen you in a while.
Dr. Lindsay: Thats because I refereed you off to a bunch of specialty doctors.
Me: Who happen to me idiots. I'm in freaking pain! And they want me to take ADVIL!!!
Dr. Lindsay: Oh, dear. Well, I'll prescribe you some T3's.
Me: You are officially the only sane doctor in Winnipeg.

That may not be the actual script, but you get the gist of it is.
Anyways, so I got pain killers. Which are doing nothing for my dying foot, but for my other pain it really helps. Oh, and she refereed me to the pain clinic! I knew I liked that woman.

Holy F***

My sister is hysterical. She was attacked with a machette, she was hit over the head. The police came to my house because they were in the area and when her and her friends saw her, they started running. The police almost arrested them, then realized they had been attacked. There were eight police officers in my house. I just sat beside my thirteen year old sister as she gave a statment to the police.
Holy effing hell. I'm shaking so much. Its three am so none of my well behaved friends are awake. So I'm posting this here. I think my sister is in shock.

Broken laptops and Halloween

So, my laptop broke. That's why I haven't been on here forever.
I'm a writer (in the way that I write... I'm not published or anything), and not being able to have a way to write... I lost my mind. Seriously, I did. If my laptop had been at the fixing place one more day I would of ended up in the In Patient wing of the Phych Health wing instead of the Out Patient wing.
Oh yeah, my phychiatrist went on maternity leave, and for some reason she advised that I be given... two phych people in her absence.
I know. Who the hell has TWO separate phych people?
Uh... no offence if you do. I do too, after all.
ANYway.

Halloween is coming! Its truly my favorite holiday. What other day do you get to dress up like anything or anyone you want and go around demanding candy from your neighbours?
Over the past week, I've had a stomach flu so I was put in charge of all the Halloween stuff, eg. Costumes, cookies, decorating, and organizing a trick or treating group.
Yes, I'm a little old to be trick or treating, and I actually haven't gone for the past two years, but I was talking with an old friend who's nineteen, and she talked me into it.
So, Halloween night, me, my friends Sarah, Paige, and Gen, Gen's friend Alex, my little sister, and my little sisters friend Sidney (who is the coolest kid ever, honestly) will be running around dressed as assorted things (I'm the Mad Hatter, my sister is this goth ragdoll thing, and Gen's... a Superman pirate with ninja skills who glows in the dark. Yeah. The others wont tell me what they're being)
So, it should be fun. I wont be able to walk for days after, and I'm kinda relying on a mix of a sugar high and pain killers to get me through the night, but... still. It'll be fun.

I'm not even sixteen yet.
I can't walk properly.
I can't stand without shifting my weight back and forth because my ankles are too weak.
I spend every second of my life in pain.
I have more doctors than friends.
I've been high; but not off any drugs that most people my age are using. No. I've been high off pain medication that I take because I'm in pain.
I'm afraid to even consider starting driving because my legs twitch violently, which could be a problem what with the using your feet for brakes and speed.
I can' wear skinny jean because they don't fit over my leg braces.
I'm too tired most days to do anything, so I never leave my house except for school, doctors, and grocerys.
The constant pain doesn't make me very nice. So kids at school don't exactly go out of their way to speak to me.
Besides, I don't even know how to talk to people.
I'm a teenager. But I'm not. My insides arre old. My skin is young.
And I need to get new shower curtains.

So....

So... What to say? I sounded a bit crazy in that last post. Sorry. Nothing bad happened that directly effected me. I'm sure something bad happened somewhere.
I've been back at school for a week now, and can I say OW. So many stairs, so little time to climb them. I only have classes on the top floor and in the basement. And I can't walk down stairs properly because my ankles don't bend forward since the surgery.
But besides the stairs thing, and the pain thing, its been good. My sewing teacher is cool, and my English teacher actually spent an entire class having us see who could fold and throw a paper airplane the farthest. I got third place, best out of all the girls. Yes, I know. Pointless skill.
Oh, and I got a new therapist person. Actually, my old phychiatrist had a baby and went on mat. leave, and now I have a therapist and a phychiatrist. As far as I can tell, the therapist just calls in the other guy to write pharscriptions.
He's nice, the therapist. His name is Peter Mary. I meant to ask him if his middle name is Paul. I told my friend that and she didn't get it. Before her time, I guess. Before my time too, really, but I know a lot of stuff from before my time.
Anyways, we talked about elephants. And my religion, because he didn't know a lot about it and he wanted to understand. He also apologized in advance if he says something offending because he doesn't know or understand something about it. I told him I don't get bothered by people offending me, only when they offend people I care about. Then I threaten them or yell or actually hurt them.
I have anger issues.
I think its cause I was always so shy as a kid, and I just kinda stuffed everything down deeper and deeper and then in grade six I made friends with this girl and she just somehow made me stop stuffing and actually act on my anger, but I never learned how to properly express my anger so it comes out about the oddest things and in violent ways.
Like last week, I wouldn't make my sister pasta so she called me a b****. I started grabbing things and throwing them at her as hard as I could. ie a magnetic paper holder on the fridge, a binder, a cutting board, a butter knife, a shirt, a toothbrush...
I don't even know why. I don't even remember much. But I know I ended up in my room, a cut on my face and I had been writ ting on my bedroom wall, which isn't that weird because its kinda what I do, graffiti my wall. My mom says its okay because you can actually see the stud things through the wall it needs new paint s bad and I'm a good artist so it makes it look better. She said that not me. I'm not actually that good.
On my walls I have;
West wall- Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs. Every rose has thorns. To put it nicely, I hope you choke. My dads phone number from when he was in Texas. A list of my favorite books. When I got really mad at my step dad Iwrote on my wall in runes about why I was mad. a drawing of a rose. We're all ad here. The lyrics to Thinking of You by Katy Perry. A bunch of old stickers. A ceramic fairy I named Fred. A origami valentine the exchange student gave me for Valentines day after I have her a valentine written in Japanese.
South Wall- under my window: Do not close window if open. You cannot soar like an eagle on the wings of a wren. You are a china shop I am a bull, you are a good mean, I am full.
East wall- a giant angel... well, less of an angel, more of a girl with wings. Too much writing to put down.
North wall- that's my closet. I have some Latin on my doors, and the entire "Anyone lived ina pretty how town" by ee commings.
Okay. Oh, and a twilight poster with 3D glasses taped to Bella's face.
Okay, so, I'm going to sleep now. Night!

Bad Feeling

I have a really bad feeling. A really really bad feeling.
It could be because I'm going back to school this week or the next for the first time since my surgery.
It could be because well everyone else is trying to put my life back together, I feel like all they're doing to taping a broken skylight back together. Soon enough, its gonna rain and its going to break again, falling all over you.
It could be because my best friend's symptoms seem to be getting worse and worse every day, and all she can think about is that she needs to cancel her MRI because she's going to have to miss one Pre-Cal class for it.
It could be because my mom seems to be heading towards the nervous breakdown she nearly had last year.
It could be because I woke up this morning to my stepdad telling my sister, "How dare you threaten me with a knife!" I go to the kitchen to see my sister holding a butter knife with jam on it because she was making herself toast with jam when he came in to talk to her.
It could be because I'm in so much pain I can barely walk.

It could be any one of these reasons, but I still feel like something is going to happen. Its felt like the world has been holding its breath just waiting.
God, I sound insane I bet. But I swear, something is wrong.

Playing Suicide Hotline

Why do I spend my nights this way?
I just phoned a girl I've never met, never spoken to in my life, to convince her not to kill herself.
You're probably confused. Let me explain.
Okay. So, I'm more or less a shut in. I don't leave my house. Thinking right now, I haven't been outside in over a week. So I don't have many friends, but the few friends I have I don't know their friends.
My best friend I've ever had has a friend going through depression issues. Tonight, she was talking to her and she started telling my friend that she didn't see the point of life anymore.
Then she went offline and wouldn't answer texts.
My friend has medical issues triggered by stress. When she gets stressed, she can get pretty sick. So I offered to phone her friend.
My friend didn't have her number. So I went into my phone book and tracked it down using only her last name and street.
And then I called her, and stopped her from killing herself.
It was really weird. I was looking on all these suicide websites listing all the reasons they said on why you shouldn't kill yourself, then I'm like, eff this. So I just started talking to her.
And, not to sound too egotistical, I SAVED HER LIFE.
And then we hung up after I gave her my number and told her to call or text or message or add me anytime she wanted.
And then I went to my kitchen and made pizza in the middle of the night.
Then I came on here.
Also, is anyone still reading this? Because I don't think you are.
So I'm bragging about saving someones life to no one. Oh well.

Also, I'm aware that I could have simply delayed her suicide a day. But she refuses to go back to therapy, and its weird for her to talk to people when she has to see them later, so I'm hoping she'll actually use me as her suicide hotline.
Oh, she just added me on Facebook. That's good.